Stellar

It’s better than I ever knew.

So, I’m seeing someone.

I KNOW! IT’S SUPER EXCITING, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

I’ve got so many feels about it that I just don’t what to say or where to begin. The only thing I can come up with is to write you, my lovely readers, a letter. That somehow feels like an easier way to transition into this very exciting topic. So here it is.

Dear Beautiful Human Reading This,

For starters, thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate that you would take the time to do so when you could be doing many other things. I want to apologize for my recent hiatus from writing. The thing is, I’m very out of sorts about what to blog about now that I’m in this new phase of widowhood. I wouldn’t call it “dating” so much as “seeing someone, on a romantic and intimate level, with whom I would quite possibly like to have a serious relationship at some point in the future but for now am very pleased to be mutually enjoying the time we spend getting to know each other and feeling each other out to see how well that possible serious relationship might work”. Whatever that phase is called, I’m in it.

It doesn’t feel at all as I had imagined. I’m honestly not even sure what I had in mind, but this definitely isn’t it. It’s wonderful and marvelous and makes me all warm and giggly and dreaming about things I didn’t know I even wanted for myself anymore, or maybe even at all. It’s mature and new and comfortable while also having me feel like a teenage girl who is completely awkward outside of her comfort zone. And it’s unlike any other relationship I’ve ever experienced, which is particularly lovely and makes me feel extra grown up and adultish and fuck yeah, look how much I’ve grown!

I’m sure you’re just gushing to know about him, AND OH MY, LET ME TELL YOU! He’s so wonderful. Like, really fucking wonderful. He walked into my birthday party at my house a few weeks ago, after everyone had already been there for a while and were all relaxed and settled into the night, and he introduced himself to EVERY person there ONE AT A TIME. He shook their hands and hugged them, even though he’d only ever met two of them. He remembered names of friends I’d mentioned and greeted them with a gigantic smile as if he’d been bursting to meet them and put a face to the name. He’s INTERESTED in me and loves when I talk, which is often, so I’m just waiting for him to get annoyed with me. We share similar beliefs on many topics, and if we don’t, we willingly listen to each other’s sides.

At least he listens to mine… I’m not certain I’ve reciprocated that and am now starting what is probably the 50th debate in my head today about how long it’s going to take for him to realize I’m insane and run away.

We bond over pizza and beer, as well as comedy and movies we both enjoy. And he’s a musician, which makes my soul happy. If you haven’t noticed, my blog is laced with music, so this is a BIG deal. He sings and is tremendously passionate about the local music community. Watching him play and hearing him sing makes me smile. I’ve gone to see him jam a few times and feel like my eyes must get all big and googly. AND HE DANCES! He’s got moves, and he likes mine. We went out last weekend for food, laughs, drinks, dancing, and some screaming at each other over the music in the bar and then left early because, let’s face it, we’re too old (tired) for that shit. And it was awesome. The whole thing was spectacular.

He also has a name, but I’m not saying it yet because LET’S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES HERE, PEOPLE! SLOW DOWN!

Have I mentioned how much I catastrophize everything, always assuming the worst and that people will disappear, whether from death or running away? No? You sure?

The whole thing is really great. He even encouraged me to blog about it. The widowed-by-suicide thing isn’t even an issue, at least not in a way that impedes the relationship. I’ve got my shit, and he’s got his. It’s refreshing to be able to talk to someone my age about real life stuff that we’ve each been through without it having to be the central topic, yet also giving it all the space and grace it deserves. The pace we’re on is perfect. There’s no rush or pressure for anything. We simply enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other more.

So, there you have it. Now please go back to whatever else you were doing and not make this a big deal because I may just burst if you do.

But, seriously, go have a dance party about it BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME.

Ahem, now back to business as usual.

Carry on,
Maggie

P.S. Yes, we met on the tinder.
P.P.S. He’s as shocked as I am that we’ve managed to find someone so great on the tinder.
P.P.P.S. No, I am no longer actively using the tinder or trying to meet anybody else.